The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
