Moan for me like Helen Keller
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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