my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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