Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
