if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
