Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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