What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
