for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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