he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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