Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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