This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
