OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
