ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
