I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
