Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
