My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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