and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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