fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
