I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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