whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
