If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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