When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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