Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
