I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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