He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
