yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
