Say something about gay babies.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
