Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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