I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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