The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
