can u get pink eye on your cock?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
