1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Pants are for mortals
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
