Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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