i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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