Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
