Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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