i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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