Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Porn is love you can see.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
