I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
