hotel room ftw
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
