I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
