Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
