i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
