Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
