fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
