I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
