i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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