i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
