Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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