i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
two words: eviction party
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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